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Tuesday, March 30, 2010

organized me!

My life now is so serabut, messed up, chaotic....you name it, I got it all. Oh my God, help me please! I'm not dome with my final year project, still need to take care of my beloved kids, need to record all their growth, take care of their health, etc. Seriously tiring! Belom jage anak lagi, tu pun ade hati nak ade anak sendiri, heh!

So now, I want to start planning my life, organizing my works and responsibilities. I have know idea on how to do it but I believe when there's a will, there's a way, rite? So, gambatte Wanie!

First, immediate things I need to settle is my tests. Next, my study plan for the remaining 3 weeks before my final exam. After that, my project presentation and thesis submission. Then, my short term goal and my future. Seems exhilarating isn't it? I don't even know where to start.

Planning is important but a plan without action is just a plan, so get going Wanie! Clock is ticking. Report it later ok...daa~


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Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Comeback of Radox

I thank God, I still have my good old friends with me

Radox had disappeared for quite a time

But that doesn't means we're forget each other

I have new bestie, they have their own new bestie

But they still my best friends forever

Old friends are one of its kind

To Nur Atikah Rashidan, Nur Awatif and Fatin Inani....

I miss you guys a lot

Thanks for all the fun and the memories

Thanks for the friendship

That keep me smiling through the worst day of my life

Sunday, March 21, 2010

thoughtless

This is my place, my right

If you try to find my weakness here, you'll find it then

If you try to find my hatred here, you'll also find it 

I'm not gonna say a word about anything else rather than myself

You know who you are, I know who I am

That's it.

We should stop and go our separate ways from now on.


Friday, March 19, 2010

I'm fine, thank you~

I'm fine, perfectly fine.....

I'm smiling now, didn't I?

Oho, Wanie crying never suit you, you know that?

C'mon la, such a heartless, emotionless, ignorant person like you can't cry

Since you don't have any feelings at all

Tears are for the weak

Such a strong big headed girl like you can't do that

It's a shame


And yes, I'm fine! And I'm crazy but I tell you a secret, all the best people are......


Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Huh....I can't breathe~

Mungkin ada yg perasan, mungkin jugak tidak....rasanya tak kot. Tapi kenapa perlu aku menulis sehingga 2 blog? Tak cukup ke dgn satu blog yg ada? Kenapa perlu diprivatekan pulak?

Blog ni, Unholy Confession of Mine, blog yg diprivatekan, Life As It Is adalah 2 blog yg berlainan. Dalam blog ni, aku tak bebas menyatakan apa yang terbuku dihati, menyatakan nama manusia yang terlibat dalam hidup ni. Puncanya....terlalu ramai yang ingin mengambil tahu segala gerak geri, segala perkataan dan perbuatan. Menunggu masa untuk menyerang bila ada peluang.

Manusia mmg mcm ni, Ini lah kehidupan Wanie! Wake up ok.... Jadi aku perlu ruang utk bersendirian, mencari kebebasan, mencari ketenangan dan lain2 lagi. Untuk manusia berbintang Gemini seperti aku, kami mempunyai 2 personaliti. Satu yang dapat dilihat oleh orang lain, satu lagi yang hanya mengambil tempat bila berseorangan.

Tak bermaksud apa yang aku luahkan disini hanya sekadar rekaan semata2, cuma ini cuma sebahagian dari diri aku. Tempat dimana aku perlu menjaga hati dan perasaan manusia lain. Maaf sebab aku dah hilang punca, hilang pertimbangan, hilang rasa. Aku sendiri tak tau mcm mana nak menjaga perasaan org lain. 

Dalam Life As It Is, itu adalah aku sepenuhnya, tanpa berselindung dengan kata2, bebas meluahkan rasa dihati. Bebas menjadi Wanie! Judge me as you like, you have the right, but if you think you know me enough, think again.

Mungkinkah Life As It Is akan dipublickan? Untuk bacaan bersama? Mungkin. Satu hari nanti. Menulis post ni sekadar bersahaja. Aku tak pernah rasa ramai yang membaca.

Being a heartless person is just a mirror reflecting what I feel inside, when I'm in the world full of heartless person. Blame me. I'll take the blame~

Monday, March 15, 2010

For you, Mr. Memory~


Tak pernah aku terniat melukaimu

Tak pernah aku terniat membencimu

Andai dapat kau selami hati ini, mungkin kau akan mengerti

Betapa aku mengharapkan cuma yang terbaik buatmu


Berkali-kali ku cuba mencari yang lain

Menyayangi yang lain

Akhirnya bila ku labuhkan tirai malam

Hatiku masih milikmu

Cintaku masih untukmu


Ketika dan saat ini aku cuma ingin kau

Menjadi dan mencari yang terbaik untuk dirimu


Buat diriku yang masih disini

Kehidupanku masih panjang

Mungkin akan tiba saatnya

Bila kita berpandangan

Aku mampu tersenyum dan mengorak langkah

Meninggalkanmu buat selamanya

Bersama hatiku 


Pergh, ayat jiwang siot. Well, besa la kan ada masa aku jadi lovey dovey cket. Pe salahnya, blog aku, kat sini je la tempat aku nak cerita pe yang tak boleh aku ungkapkan dgn kata2. Untuk siapa? Ooopppssss....yang penting bukan budak kelas AS220 semester 6 ok, tolong jangan buat spekulasi atau perasan sendiri.

Buat seseorang yang pernah hadir dalam hidup ini. Kehadiran yang kadang kala aku harapkan takkan pernah berlaku. Terima kasih kerana mengajar erti cinta, rindu, luka, kecewa dan bahagia. 


Friday, March 12, 2010

Keep the faith!

Dah lama tak update blog ni, bukan ape sbb tak de benda yang cam menarik je nak tulis. So kali ni, isu besa la kan....result SPM...

Bila sebut je bnde ni, teringat la kate aku ni dah tua, dah lama dh tinggal zaman2 spm ni. Dah lupe ape rasanya time amik result, debaran dia cena, lega and happy bila dah dpt result. Skrang ni dah masuk u pun, and dh nak abis dh pun (betapa tuanya diriku ini).

Aku dpt tau dari cikgu skolah aku dulu yg skolah kesayangan, kebanggaan aku tu dapat 53 straight A's students! OMG....ramai giler tu. Time aku dulu ade 15 org je kot. Bape byk beza tu? Tapi btol la cikgu aku kate, itu la namanya kemajuan. Jadi kepada junior2ku yang berjaya dapat result gempak tu, tahniah la aku ucapkan.

Tapi SPM bukan segala2nya. Cakap dari pengalaman aku sendiri, nasihat aku pada korang2 ialah, cuba yg terbaik, jangan cepat puas hati dgn ape yg korang dpt (bukan bermakna tak bersyukur ok). Rezeki tuhan kita tak tau, kadang2 kita kat atas lepas tu, jatuh trus. Tapi dun worry, tuhan tu tak kejam. Maybe ape yg ditulis utk kita tu sebenarnya yg terbaik utk kita. So, pape pun, kalo tak dapat jadi doktor, engineer atau seumpamanya yg glamer walaupun korang gempak, never ever give up ok!

Keep the faith, be strong, get back on your track...you'll be fine coz u're an asmarian, and giving up is not in our dictionary!

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Sorry~

I really need to learn some anger management technique. Believe me, to get on my nerves is simply easy thing to do. I hate it! When I'm mad, I said things I didn't mean, I do things out of my sane thinking and at the end, I end up doing things I really regret.

I should understand her, didn't I? Rather than being so cynical and pissed off and make her feel even more bad, I should talk to her heart to heart. Said things that comfort her, didn't I? And I thought I know what friendship means. I'm sick.

I thought I don't have ego, hell yeah. How in the world I end up with that kind of conclusion? I can't face her and say I'm sorry. Clearly it's my fault. If only can control my feelings and my thoughts, this wouldn't be worse than it already had.

She's a nice girl, a good friend. It's just she's confused and stuck between two. And why I can't be the one who make things easier for her? Why I'm the one who always make things worst?

People are scared of me. You really think I like that? You really think that I like it when people can't look at me when I passed by? When people lower their gaze at me? When they can't look at me straight in the eyes because they're scared? I don't want all of that. I don't blame them for that. It's me, I need to change myself. The selfish, hot-tempered, cold, can't smile, cynical, negative creature.

I'm sorry again.

Happy Birthday!

Special entry for special person...haha~

Happy birthday nini!!! Officially ko dah 22 tahun dan lagi tua dari kami suma. Nini ni atau nama sebenarnya aini ialah housemate, roomate, coursemate and classmate aku kat uitm ni. Dh 3 tahun knal and aku rasa dia seorang yg sgt2 special.

Aku ni orang yg senang wat musuh tapi dia adalah antara org yg aku xmungkin sekali2 jadikan musuh sbb dia ni special. Dia ni lurus, happy go lucky and aku rasa sape2 pun kalo dgn dia msti senang sgt sbb dia bkn jenis org yg bagi pressure kat org lain. Idup dia simple, kesah cinta dia sgt klasik and semua masalah xsesusah yg disangkakan bila ada dia. Sebab tu aku syg sgt ngan dia..hahaha~ Terharu baca statement aku ni....

Pada aku, antara kwn2 yg aku penah kenal selama ni, aku rasa dia adalah antara org yg aku xkn lupakan even mungkin kitorang dh xjmpa lepas abis blajar nnt. She's a chapter in my life, one most unforgettable and memorable. 

So, utk birthday dia yg ke-22 ni aku wish semoga dia terus hepi and dapat kebahagiaan yg dikejar selama ni. Kalo xdpt pun, aku berharap dia dpt yg terbaik utk idup dia. To me, she's special, I'll stand up for her if someone ever dare to hurt her. 


And for you Nini, happy birthday....sweet 22 ok...muahx~~ xoxo....

Sunday, March 7, 2010

I want kids!

I want kids! Can I? Hahaha....so jealous of all my cousin yg dah kawen and ade anak and nampak dorang hepi sgt. Tapi dalam marriage sape yg xde masalah kan. Maybe aku nmpak yg hepi je tapi banyak lagi bnda pasal marriage yang aku xtau dan xkan tau sampai la aku sendiri dah kawen kot.

Tak kesah la, all in all, aku tau nak kawen bukan senang. Nak jaga suami bukan senang, nak jaga anak lagi la susah kot tapi happiness is there. That's for sure la kan, sebab tu kahwin tu sebahagian dari iman.

Aku memang excited bab kawen ni, bukan bab yg tu ok, tapi aku suka sgt bdk2. Having your own kids, it's like....heaven kot. No matter how hard your day will be raising them up. No matter how sometimes you really want to be single again and don't have kids yet, at the end of the day, when you see them, you realize that they are your everything. 

I hope one day, I'll be a good mother. Can I? I wish and I pray so. Am I just having some 'can't wait to get married' syndrome. Tak kot sebab tahun ni I'll be 22 so I'm not getting any younger pun. Just thinking about the future. So mummy, don't worry coz I'm not planning on giving you son-in-law or grandchildren any time sooner pun.

Just babbling on the thought of it. That's it.



How can anyone be so heartless and throw them away?



Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Speechless

Aku bru je join geng blogger walaupun dah setahun aku jadi blogger. Aku ni memang tak tau bnda2 ni. Org nk tulis blog, awak pun nak jgk tapi pe pun tak tau. Aku tau pun dari hana housemate aku tu.

Sebenarnya aku join geng blogger tu pun bkn sbb pe, sbb aku rasa bosan ngadap laptop ni tiap2 ari tapi tak tau nak wat ape. Jadi, kat geng blogger ni ade la byk list2 blog yg ade. Boleh ber'blogwalking' melihat isu2 dan citer2 menarik orang lain biarpun tak kenal sape.

Mane la tau, berjumpa ngan sahabat lama ke, kekasih lama ke kan...hahaha~ Aku ni sebenarnya sgt2 la kagum ngan blogger2 yg femes ni. Nak sain boleh? 

Takde la aku nak jadi camtu pun, sbb tujuan utama berbelog ni pun cuma nak tulis pe yang banyaknye tak teucap dengan kata2. Aku ni mmg bkn seorang penulis, nak tulis nota dlm klas pun mls, nak tulis bnda lain lg la mls kn. Tapi kalo blog ni pkai taip je, takde la mls sgt kot.

Ok la, mls dah citer byk. Masalah skrang pun byk. Owh anak2ku sayang, sori la mama tak jaga korang baik2 sbb tu ade yg terbantut je. Mama korang ni mmg mls pun...adeh! Padan muke sendiri kn...

K la, daaaaa........

Hari yang indah~

hari yg sgt menyeronokkan utk aku...~

1. ter'skip' klas post harvest

2. tgk My Name Is Khan, gler r wa ckp lu....sebrutal2 aku ni meleleh gak tgk, siap kire speaker kat tgv tu td sbb kalo tgk skrin takut nangis tak benti plak. Mmg touching r, kelakar pun ade. SRK mmg la pelakon hindi terbaik! Tabik r bro! Kalo org ajak tgk sekali, 2 kali, 3 kali pun aku pergi lagi, mmg best la...tak sia2 aku byr 10hengget walaupun gne student card (kalo xde student card xtau la bpe hengget).


Tak rugi tgk citer ni. Best. Siyes!


3. Makan subway yg dh lama kempunan. Dpt mkn subway fave aku, turkey breast and turkey ham...fuh! mmg power cam bese la.....puas ati gler~



4. G melalak kat karok selama 3 jam (walaupun sebenarnya aku ade lg sejam tapi sbb kejar masa nak semayang asar, jadi xsempat la) dengan harga student walaupun time tu dah pukul 4, jadi kna byar 9hengget je, best x best! Ni bukan karok jamban ok? Karok mahal....tempat spesial pye~

5. Makan ayam penyet yg fames sgt tu, walaupun pada aku xde la best sgt. Bukan selera aku kot, tp at least takde la batak kan. Kalo org sebut ayam penyet, kire ko dah tau la pe bnde tu. Tau la bile dh order kna byr dulu ye, bkn tnggu je, kalo tak mmg xde la mkanan ko tu.


Tak boleh mencabar tahap kepedasan aku pun ayam ni. Igtkn power gler la sgt!


6. Ternampak seorang lelaki kacak kat ayam penyet tu. Gaya bkn cm pekerja kat situ tapi cam bos pun tak la jgk tapi yg penting hensem la. Terpaku seketika bila mata bertentang mata...cewah!


Adakah secomel dan sekacak lelaki ini? Owh tidak...tapi ok la. Owh Chansung, did I tell you that I love you? Hehe....