Friday, December 26, 2014

A year update. Not much.

Aku xtau la sebenarnya ade ke x orang baca blog ni kan sebabnya aku sendiri pun xupdate kot. last update, bulan 12 tahun 2013. Setahun kot? Takleh lama lagi eh? Entahlah, bukan taknak update tapi byk sgt benda yang jadi smpai aku rasa kadang2 benda tu cam berlaku dalam drama je. Aku sebenarnya ada dua problem yang sangat parah. 

Yang pertama, aku xboleh overthink benda. Bila aku overthink, aku jadi risau sgt. Lepas tu aku jadi takut sgt. Lepas tu aku cam emo sgt2. And then aku down, xboleh tdor and rasa cam semuanya dah berakhir. Seriously walaupun bunyi cam xserius tapi mmg serious. Leh jadi depressed sgt2. Aku rasa cam aku nak lari g satu tempat yang orang xleh cari aku, xkenal aku, nk guna identiti baru and nak mula hidup baru. Hidup yang simple cam tanam pokok, bela binatang sendiri cukup untuk nak makan je. Sebab aku rasa aku xmampu nak hadapi masalah2 yang banyak sekarang ni. Masalah yang xde jln penyelesaian kecuali aku hadapi. Nak hadapi masalah tu bkn benda yang senang ye. Tapi bila aku fikirkan blk, rmai lagi orang yang ada masalah jauh lagi besar dari aku tpi dorang still teruskan hidup, positif lagi. Aku? Baru bagi masalah besar tu dah nk give up. Gile xbersyukur langsung kot. 

Yang kedua, aku xboleh hidup sorang2. Memang la xde sape2 pun boleh hidup sorang2 tapi maksud aku, aku mmg seriously xboleh hidup sorang2. Aku mesti kna ada kawan, atau orang temankan aku. Kalau x, aku jdi depressed sgt, rasa cam loser je. Sebab tu skrang ni aku rasa cm nak duduk kat umah je ngan family aku, cari keje kat umah pastu stay ngan parents aku. At least bila aku blk keje, ade orang kat umah. Bila aku sedih ke, marah ke, stress ke, gembira ke at least ade orang utk aku share. Aku rsa tenang kat tmpat yang ramai org. Aku rsa tenang bila aku dengar suara org. I love crowded places sbb tu aku suka g shopping mall. Leh x bg alasan lg ridiculous? Tapi seriously aku mmg cam tu, kira aku ni category clingy gila. Sebab aku rsa tenang kalau aku nmpak orang lain.

No one is perfect kan. What define us as a normal person? Jawapannya, nothing. Sebab lain orang, lain perangai. Walaupun ko rasa reason dia merapu je tpi mmg dia mcm tu. Jdi, bila korang jmpe orang2 yang korang rasa xsama cm korang, jgn la rsa dia pelik plak sbb mungkin pada orang lain, ko pun bkn normal sgt. Heh....

Anyway, aku dh 27 tahun depan. Banyak perancangan aku utk tahun depan tpi jadi atau tak tu aku xtau la. Tpi yang penting, aku positif dengan diri sendiri. Kena jadi positif sbb aku dh penat jdi negatif. Salah satu plan aku ialah, update blog ni selalu. InsyaAllah. Bukan utk orang baca je, tpi yang plg penting untuk diri sendiri. Bila aku baca blk msti ada bnda yang aku rsa cm sengal je. 

2014 has been a hard year for most of us Malaysian, but keep on having faith. Can't wait to welcome 2015.  Have a nice day ahead peeps. *even I'm not sure if there's anyone*

Sunday, April 8, 2012


Congratulations for those who will get married or engaged. Unfortunately I can't come, sorry. More and more of my high school mates are now change their status to wife. Congrats guys! Be happy and may your marriage will bring blessings now just here but also in the hereafter.

Saturday, April 7, 2012

too much

Whenever I try to write something, I'll erase it. Keep thinking, should I say it or shouldn't I? I learn that too much of anything will turn out bad. I have not visited my twitter page, or write anything on my fb wall or here lately. Too much of anything said will harm you. So silent is a better option. Keep it in your heart, and then throw away all of your hatred. Remind yourself of the good times and move on.

Monday, February 27, 2012

When was the last time I wrote in this blog? I can't remember it myself. Lots and lots of things had happened. There's fight between me and my bestie and we're still didn't talk to each other. I miss her for sure abut I don't wanna disappoint her ever again, thus it will be better for me to stay away. It seems like there's more person walk out of my life rather than the one coming in. No one to blame, maybe it's me.

I still unable to find the courage to meet up with him. I keep thinking bout him, every single thing remind me of him and I think one of my student resembles him a lot! I know that these kind of thing takes time and everything is fated but I don't think I'm strong enough to face it and not let myself immersed in my own emotions. Yes, he's the one still in my heart. I pray that I'm able to accept it if he's not meant for me.

Life is like this. Sometimes you're happy, sometimes something terrible happened. It's still hard for me to face it everyday. I can only write it here.

Monday, January 30, 2012


It's frustrating!
If you can be at my place and understand how hard for me to say it.
I'm torn.
I just want to run away from everything and everyone.
I don't want to hurt anyone anymore.
I try.
Can you at least understand?
Sorry is the only word I know now.
It didn't do any good.
I know.
I try.

Friday, January 13, 2012

marriage talk AGAIN

First discussion I heard in 2012 is marriage. Lame! I know but I'm not getting any younger. To be honest, I'm quite worry about this since I don't have anyone. But, still I know that marriage is not determine by that. Sometimes it just happen. I'm happy for all my friends who already married or about to get married. And congratulations for my friend who about to welcome her 2nd child! Omo, 2nd already?! I'm really falling behind.

Marriage talk will never end until you're married, no? It's not about finding someone good as your partner, who doesn't want one but it's more about straighten yourself, prepare yourself to be a good partner as much you want your other half to be. I don't think I'm anywhere near it.

Marriage is not one of my plan for 2012 but we'll see. Life has no guarantee after all. So to Jieha, at least wait for me to get married first before you have your 3rd child, will ya?

Sunday, January 1, 2012

Embracing 2012

First entry of 2012.

2011 in review.

1. My research is a mess. I'm procrastinating for months! And yet, I need to face my sv and tell him what I'm doing now. I'm stressed!

2. I have massive fight with one of my beloved bestie. Things not going well for us, it just doesn't seem to fit like we used to be.

3. I achieved absolutely nothing. My planning all went haywire.

4. I didn't go to 2PM concert which was like the most anticipated concert in my entire life!

5. I have no saving at all. I used to have one, until I start spending like miss Hilton and cause me my saving. Great!

The good thing that happen to me in 2011.

1. My family is still a very happy family. Alhamdulillah.

2. I met Mr. Y after quite some times and I have his new phone number.

3. I met my students outside and they still remember as their teacher even I'm not teaching them anymore. Alhamdulillah.

I said I hate new year resolution. But I really need to set some goals for this new year.

1. I am 24 this year. I hope my patience increase like my age.

2. I need to start finishing my research. Finish my survey, data analysis and thesis writing. And yes, finish up my paper presentation at the conference.

3. Saving for my trip to Korea with Sarah and my mum.

4. Love myself more.

5. Live a healthy life.I need to start working out. I'm not getting any younger.

6. Be a better servant to Allah, our creator. Be a good daughter, student, teacher, friend, sister, niece, aunt, and a better human overall.

7. Spend my money wisely.

8. Searching for my soul mate. Boleh? InsyaAllah.

9. Make others happier.

10. Think positively, stay strong, never give up and keep smiling no matter how hard things would be.

11. Love what I do.

So, my goals are not listed according to priority. I hope I can achieve it. I know I can. So will you. And I'll start my new year with my family. Nothing better.

What past is past. Think about it once in a while but never dwell in it. Life will never go backwards, why would you? Have a better 2012 everyone.