blank.hurt.torn

It's frustrating!
If you can be at my place and understand how hard for me to say it.
I'm torn.
I just want to run away from everything and everyone.
I don't want to hurt anyone anymore.
I try.
Can you at least understand?
Sorry is the only word I know now.
It didn't do any good.
I know.
I try.

whatever

Whatever....! I can't exactly describe the things that have been bothering me. But I guess for the first time, I really wanna give up on it. I couldn't care anymore, tiring! I need space to breathe for myself. I do what I want, how I want. Ok?

Being a punching bag is tiring, exhausting! I don't care. I couldn't care less. Enough is enough, I'm not gonna follow the game anymore. Suffer yourself, ok?

Selfish Wanie, yes I am one. What to do? I don't have feelings anymore, thanks to you.


Ok. Bye!

emo

Sometimes, just sometimes I wish people can listen to others thought and feeling, then we wouldn't have to tell them in person that they suck and hurting you. It's tiring enough that you have your own problem, facing crazy psycho moody people is like taking another research again! It doesn't feel that bad but believe me, for people like me, that's like crazy!

You can't live alone, I guess that's what you have to put up with. I acted that bad also, so can't put the blame on other people, I understand how it feels when you're moody. You don't want to treat other people badly but it's uncontrollable. But still, it does hurt.

sometimes I just wish I can

My heart ache, do you know that?
For so many times, I try hard to protect what we have
You don't see that, don't you?
Can't you feel my heart?
Can't you see my pain?
It burn inside
It kills me every minute I try to ignore my own anger
Maybe I should say it in front of you
I'm tired
I want to stop trying
To be someone you always wanted
This is me
And I'm selfish
Thank you
And yes, I'm not a good friend

I'm sorry

Suddenly, I realize how these kind of things affect the person

Maybe, when we're the one doing it, you didn't feel it

But once, you're the subject, you'll know

No matter how awful things are, or how annoying you are

I guess it does leave a scar

I've been doing it for all this while

I've hurt so many heart with it

I'm sorry. My bad.

Alone

Not planning to go back
Sick and tired of everything
and I stood there emotionless
Because I'm sick of myself
Pretending like I'm ok
Still smiling, faking it
I want to be with myself alone
where I don't have to face anything
I don't wanna hurt
and be hurt
So, just let me be
You'll never understand what I felt
but since I'm a friend
Let me swallow it and forget everything
And go back
That's what friend for
To accept all the bitterness of friendship
And forget about it
Only keep the happy moments
I'll do that
In a moment
Coz I need to find that friend-self in me

cita2 saya nak jadi data analyzer!

Tajuk tak boleh blah, memang perli abih la. Sekarang ni tengah musim analyze data utk aku dan kwn2 seangkatan malas yang ada kat umah ni. Kalo sape2 tak tau ape tu data analysis, takpe, tak tau pun takpe sebab nak terangkan pun susah sampai kena belajar satu sem pasal data analysis baru tau, tu pun duk terhegeh2 lagi.

ANOVA, Anderson-Darling Normality Test, Test for Equal Variances, T-test, f-test, blablabla..... Takde la susah sangat pun sbb komputer yg kira semuanya, ko cume baca result dia je. Bunyi cam senang? Heh, belom cuba belom tau. Aku ni nasib la masih ade iman di dada yg mengelakkan aku dari wat benda2 gila disebabkan tekanan Final Year Project ni!

So, aku tengah berjuang utk menghabiskan sisa2 fyp yang semakin lama aku rasa semakin susah. Ni blom tiba masa presentation yg mna kena ready seready2nya ibarat nak pergi berperang, nak kena menghadapi segala persoalan yang bakal dituju bertubi2. Adeh!

Final exam bukan lagi apa2 sekarang ni, seluruh idupku hanya untuk menyiapkan projek tersayang. Cepatla berakhir, aku nak melangkan ke alam pekerjaan, meninggalkan dunia student buat sementara waktu. Maksudnya, still ade hati nak sambung master.

Nini yang tertekan disebabkan fyp ni decide utk tidor sepanjang hari utk menyelesaikan masalahnya. Adakah cara ini berkesan? Ye, berkesan utk tuan pya badan, tu je yang penting. Owh ye, sebelom lupa. Umah aku ade 3 orang yang demam, sorang disahkan denggi, sorang lagi masalah platlet kurang, sorang lagi masih tak tau result ujian darah. Haih! Umahku dipenuhi virus2 ni....semua gara2 tekanan dan nyamuk~

Goodbye love

Someone said to me yesterday after I finished the exam paper, "look, that's your secret crush!". And I said, "No, he's not!". She said that "You're eyes can't lie to me"

Is it? People can see it in my eyes? Did he see the same thing? Am I still dwelling in the nonreciprocal feeling? The answer is, I don't know, seriously have no idea what I feel rite now. But I can't look at him, it does make me hurt. But I'm happy if he's happy. 

He's not meant for me. I let him go. I walk away from him and counting the moments before we will not see each other forever. And that's the best for both of us. Goodbye love, be happy forever. I'll be fine. I have a lot of people to meet!

Macam nini, agaknya aku pun kena buat simbolik membuang memori.

Cinta, Love, Amor, Pyaar, Saranghe, Ai....wateva you called it~

Salam and hi to all...

Tetiba terdetik nak cerita pasal cinta. Cinta aku ke? Of course bukan, I'm single and lovin' it ok! Ok, ni bkn pempat nak promote diri tapi nak cerita sumthing tentang cinta orang2 disekeliling.

Scene 1

Heroin yang baru putus cinta. Menjumpai lelaki lain dalam masa yg singkat. Mengekspresi cinta kepada orang2 sekeliling. Tapi kelihatannya mcm sebelah je yang excited. Pendapat? p/s pelajaran seperti diabaikan sejak kedatangan lelaki ni.

Scene 2

Heroin yang baru diberitahu oleh lelaki yg selama ini dianggap hero hatinya bhw dia menunggu heroin yg lain. Jadi selama ini, heroin cuma tempat dia mengisi kesunyian di hati, menanti heroin yang lain. Terasa dipergunakan. Pendapat?

Mula2 sekali aku mintak maaf kalo mencampuri hal peribadi masing2, cuma sebagai kawan yang mengambil berat, aku ada nasihat utk mereka2 ini. Nak terima, baguslah. Taknak terima, terpulang la, aku takde hak nak cakap apa2.

So, heroin 1, pasti ke lelaki tu sygkn ko mcm mna ko syg kan dia? Ke ko cume anggap lelaki tu sbg pengubat hati luka disebabkan cinta lama? Jangan menipu diri sendiri. Cinta bukan sekadar nak keluar date, nak bgtau 'I ade bf ok' atau setakat nak mengisi kekosongan hati tu. Kalo disebabkn dia, ko bleh ignore study, tipu kwn2, haih.....pandai2 la pkir ok, aku tak ckp pun ko tau la kn. Beb, umo dh 22, fikiran kena matang, fikir baik buruk, put yourself first. Cintan2 beria pun tapi kalo takde jodoh, heh...sia2 wa ckp lu! Wat pape pun kna pkir baik buruk, mungkin org tak nampak, tak tau pe dlm hati ko, tapi igt tuhan tu Maha Mengetahui. 

Heroin 2, it's ok to cry, to be sad. I've been through that. It hurts tapi bagus la dia decide utk bgtau sbb bila dah makin jauh korang terlibat dlm perhubungan ni, sakitnya lagi teruk. Everything happen for a reason. It's just that u didn't meet the guy meant for you yet. Hey, being single is not so bad, umo pun baru 22 so jgn sedih lama2 k, kejap2 sudah. Lgipun  tak comel la kalo u sedih2, cheer up k?

Utk renungan bersama, cinta tu fitrah manusia. Tak salah tapi kena la kena gayanya. Cinta tu anugerah tuhan tau, tapi kalau tau menghargai cinta tapi tak mengingati tuhan pun watpe kn? One more thing, jgn cemarkn cinta dengan ayat " I can't live without you syg!". Heh, kalo Allah s.w.t tu tak jadikan ko lagi la ko mmg tak idup terus tau x? Renung2kn dan selamat beramal.

p/s: excited plak tetiba arini ade peminat! Tapi sygnya not my taste. Excited jgk bila lelaki yg diusha kat secret recipe tu senyum kat I! Berbunga hati. Ari ape ek ari ni? hee...

thoughtless

This is my place, my right

If you try to find my weakness here, you'll find it then

If you try to find my hatred here, you'll also find it 

I'm not gonna say a word about anything else rather than myself

You know who you are, I know who I am

That's it.

We should stop and go our separate ways from now on.