other's perception...something good to know about

sometimes you juz dun realize things bout yourself till someone tell it to you...well it happen to me a lot and tonite I noe a new thing bout myself....I'm an egoistic person. Well, I never realize dat since I think I always put my ego aside but I guess they are rite. I'm very egoistic when it comes to study, I always want to be number 1, I can't stay behind someone as I sometimes tend to get suffocated. I think it is because since I was a lil kid, success in study is always my priority, it makes me happy. It's not that I want to underestimate others, it just that I'm d type of person who pressure myself on my success.

I have no problem seeing other getting more than I am coz everyone have their own advantages, effort and luck. They get what they have coz of their effort, there's something that I totally okay with. Maybe it'll drive me even more to be better and better than others and I dun noe how to change it, it's juz me.....Ppl born with their own advantages and disadvantages, well for me...I dun have the beauty like others do, but I'm faster in my learning process, that is my advantage and I thank God for that. I try very hard not to underestimate others, look down on them or compare them but maybe sometimes(ALWAYS MAYBE) I did juz dat but I really dun mean it. I have a friend who I think is so special coz she's so laidback and easy-going, happy go lucky and sometimes I really wish I can be like her. She's clumsy, paranoid but it's juz her. She has a crush on dis one guy and I think she's so classic. What I meant is, she's admire that person from far and can be very happy if dat guy juz look at her. She goes crazy if he smile at her and totally out of dis world when he helped her with something but the guy didn't know bout her feeling.....she's satisfied even juz like dat. I wish I have dat kind of feeling but I dun....I'm a straightforward person whn it comes to feeling and maybe that's what I meant by I put my ego aside. Well, everybody have their own perspective in looking at things...I'm not a very good person, I always realize that and actually I really...really wanna change to a much better person...i've tried and I will always tried to be one....~ so to all ppl that i've hurt your feelings coz of my attitude and words, I really sorry...never meant it the bad way..=P